I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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