wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
