I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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