U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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