Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
