I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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