my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
