i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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