Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
