3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
