3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
