Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
