happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
