Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
