I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
