i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
