I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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