how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
