I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
