How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
