All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
