..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
