I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
