it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
