On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
