I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
