I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
