Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I supernannyed him into submission
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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