all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
