She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
