if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
