there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
