Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
