Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
