god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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