after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
