Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
So vagazzling was a success
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
