Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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