tell your sister to shave her snatch
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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