How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
