I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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