You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
