You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
