youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
