i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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