I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Someone stole a lamp last night.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
