the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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