and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It's never too late to be topless.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
