Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
