How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
