i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
