At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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