I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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