he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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