Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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