You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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