i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
