they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
