id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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