What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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