Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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